Some stories start with “If I were king…”  In my case, I don’t need to because I already am. Of course, my “queen” constantly reminds me that there’s only one reign in this house and that it’s not mine.  Humph! Humans…so naive! But then again, I’m happy to leave her to her regal illusions, since she does always tell me that I’m such a “perrty perrty cat!”

I admit I do enjoy the cooing she does over me, even though I don’t have a particular tendency to express my appreciation for all her caring.  But then again, why should I? Kings don’t owe anything to anyone and frankly, I can’t bear the thought of having to reciprocate all this lovey-dovey stuff.  I mean really…  I do have better things to do!

For instance, the reason I’m so perrrrty is because I make sure I get enough sleep.  Too much strenuous activity is terribly detrimental to my feline good looks.   And of course, as part of a healthy lifestyle, I also make sure I eat regularly.  I’m very fortunate that, my “queen” provides me with quality food, but I don’t understand why I have to meow relentlessly to get her to fill up my bowl first thing in the morning.  For some reason she thinks it’s more important to go pee in the bathroom while I wait by the door, instead of feeding me immediately after she gets out of bed!

Another part of my healthy regimen is getting enough fresh air. I so enjoy going for a short stroll on the balcony. It has such a pretty view and it’s so perfect for my many necessary naps. But my jolly gallivanting doesn’t seem to please my “queen” as much. She keeps repeating that she has other things to do than having to open and close the door at my every beck and call. She claims it’s almost like having a part-time job on top of all the other things she has to do. I really don’t understand why she has to gripe so much about having to open and close the door for me.  Why, all she has to do is leave the door open.  So what if the cold air fills the house?  Grow some furry balls and get over it already!

It’s clear she totally misunderstand the meaning of being at the service of one’s king!

Submitted by Luma